You are probably wondering what the deal with dwarves is.

Let me tell you.

People are at their best when they have a cause. A solid cause. A good cause. A cause that most everyone can agree on.

In short, people are at their best when they have evil to fight.

The problem is, there isn't that much evil out there anymore. Real evil is hard to come by. I mean, there's plenty of paltry, stupid evil... but most of it is thoughtless rather than deliberate. People can't really band together to fight thoughtless evil.

(Well, they can, but it's pretty ridiculous. You end up with petitions to replace "he" with "s/he" or with groups of people releasing captive raised minks into the wild, where they are promptly hit by cars. All of this makes for fine entertainment, but it really isn't enough to bring us together as a civilization.)

We need someone evil. Someone monstrous. Someone that we can all hate. Someone intent on doing something so heinous and vile that we cannot help but come together to oppose it.

I will be that person. I will do this for all of us.

Now listen closely, because this is where the dwarves come in.

You see, it occurred to me that the best way to perpetrate evil is to oppress the truly helpless... to mount a vile and vicious assault on a group that is either too small or too weak to adequately resist.

I pondered my possible options for quite some time. My first focus was on women... but they make up too large a segment of the population, and it's already been done before. Besides, it's hard to get any sort of significant oppression mounted against women... they're pretty much on their guard these days (almost like they're waiting for someone to oppress them). Same thing with the Jews.

So. Gender was right out. So was religion. Racial oppression has spiraled downward to the point where the only activists are already lumped into that "thoughtless, stupid evil" category, so I couldn't really expect the proper response from that front.

I thought about oppressing homosexuals, but I was worried that the majority of my target audience would not rally against me. Sad but true.

I was at a loss.

Then it hit me... the handicapped. The handicapped are a comparatively small group. They haven't really pissed anyone off. People are used to helping them. I'd be all alone in my crusade against the handicapped... I would be hated and reviled, and people would band against me, coming together as a shining example of human potential, intent on stamping out my vileness and malevolence.

Perfect.

I immediately discounted the deaf and blind. Too many of them, and they have powerful lobbies. Plus, my friend Matt told me that deaf people will gang up and kick your ass if you fuck with them.

I pondered further. Retarded people were out, because it ties into the whole "kindness through euthanasia" thing, and there might be a few Kevorkian-esque weirdoes who were actually on my side. Same thing with paraplegics and the terminally ill.

Ah... but dwarves! Dwarves were a different story altogether. Cute, harmless, statistically insignificant... but with a high level of visibility. Everyone knows the dwarf in their community! People would rally to save the dwarves!

So. That�s where I�m at now. I haven�t yet put the master plan into effect, but I am intent on stamping out the midget menace, in the name of all that is good, holy, pure and normal size.

Won�t you work together to stop me before it�s too late?