I think that in almost every case -- indeed, perhaps in every case -- you have the right to request someone to change.

I think that in almost no case -- indeed, perhaps not in any case -- do you have the right to expect someone to change.

By asking people to change (and really, we aren't talking about making a formal request here; we're talking about being honest about your desires, your likes and your dislikes, what makes you comfortable and what makes you uncomfortable) you are being an honest friend. You are being up front about what you need and expect... and you're putting the power in the other person's hands.

But what must be acknowledged (and I think that this was made clear by Blaise and Kim's responses to my hypothetical situations) is that you don't have the right to expect people to act on your desires. You can want them to act one way, you can hope that they act one way, you can be glad if they act one way and disappointed or hurt if they don't, but you can't expect or demand that people change their behavior to accommodate you.

Unfortunately, I think that acceptance of this notion also requires acceptance of the fact that people may grow apart in certain ways, and that's a scary thing to acknowledge. I mean, if you are acting in a way that I hate, and I've made my desires clear and no reasonable compromise can be reached, the most realistic option is to slice away that portion of our interaction and continue on with the stuff that does work.

That sounds awful and frightening, and it really can be. But it doesn't have to be. I think that there are numerous cases where fundamental disagreements don't have to significantly impact relationships.

For example: Blaise and I will probably never be planning a joint dinner party. Our food interests don't intersect. So what?

Friendships don't need to cross over into every aspect of each person's life, and I think that too often we make the assumption that incompatibility means the end, so we must find a comfortable middle ground. That isn't always the case, and I don't think it should be. It's our differences that make us who we are, and it's our differences that make us likeable and interesting.

One final point on the whole asking people to change thing...

Most of you stated that if person A feels strongly about activity X and person B doesn't feel that strongly about it, person A should get their way.

There are a whole host of problems associated with that formula.