The south is a land of villains.

Have you ever watched He-Man or GI Joe? Consider Cobra, or Skeletor and his henchmen. That's the south.

Ninety-five percent of the people down here are bumbling, incompetent fools whose primary contribution to society is probably to serve as bogeymen that scare northern children into some semblance of responsibility and civility. ("Be a good boy Andy. Work hard, study hard and take pride in what you do... or else you could end up like Billy-Bob-Franken-Joe Bubba over there.")

The other five percent are marginally smarter and substantially more evil. They're the ones who are actually in charge of keeping the whole fiasco semi-functional. They are polite, proper, backstabbing manipulators with malevolently conservative social agendas and an over-powering desire to maintain the status quo.

I like them significantly better than the low-grade morons. When dealing with intelligent evil people one can anticipate their actions and prepare accordingly.

With the run-of-the-mill southerner, you can't even count on them to fuck you over for their own self-interest; they aren't smart enough to figure out what serves their own interest.

Trying to anticipate their errors is like trying to anticipate where bugs are most likely to infest your house.

Trying to make them do the jobs you've hired them for is like toilet training a retarded schizophrenic.

You can't flatter them into compliance anymore than you could flatter dogs. They are not smart enough to be shamed by your condescension, and they have no better nature for you to appeal to.

They are, in short, sub-human monkey people. They have adopted some of the trappings of civilization, coupled them with a limited capacity to use tools (very limited, if one is to judge by the quality of southern architecture) and now they sit back to bask in the glory of what they mistakenly believe to be a "culture."