Currently my plan is to start with an attitude of intense, unrealistic interest in both his business plan and his personal life. I will insist on being provided with the most bizarre details regarding his plan. I will continue to attempt to convince him that we should meet in person (with his company funding my airfare to Europe of course). If he refuses to fund a trip for me, I will eventually tell him that I've scraped up enough cash to make it to Europe on my own... where should we meet? If he refuses to meet with me, I will proceed to phase two. If he agrees to meet with me, I will, of course, fail to show up, and then I will send him an angry letter, demanding to know why he wasn't at the agreed upon spot at the agreed upon time. Then I will proceed to phase two.

During phase two, I will gradually take on all the characteristics of a jealous, jilted, angry lover. I will begin e-mailing him several times a day, demanding to know what he's doing and who he's with. I will accuse him of not spending enough time online with me, and of not appreciating the depth of our relationship. I will begin making bizarre and frightening insinuations based on whatever snippets of personal information that he has let slip. At length I will appear to snap, and I'll send him a sociopathically detached e-mail IN ALL CAPS. This e-mail will make absolutely plain my obsession with him, and I will make it quite apparent that I WILL NEVER LET HIM GO. Phase three:

I'll disappear for a while. Not for a long while... but for two or three weeks. Then I will send him a perfectly calm, rational e-mail explaining that I haven't been myself and that I really apologize for all this weird stuff I've been saying and doing. I will be contrite, eloquent and eminently rational. I will sign this message "Mrs. Alexander Sujansky".

Three days after that I will send the following message:

"Good news Goran! I'll be seeing you very soon. Love, Alex"

And then he'll never hear from me again (though I will use his e-mail address for a Spam sponge).

That's my plan anyway... but I'm welcome to suggestions and modifications.

You should see what I do to the credit card people.










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